Never Have I Ever

NEVER

1) Never have I ever called in sick to work because I was hungover.  I’ve never been hungover but I have certainly said I was sick when I wasn’t!

2) Never have I ever had a near death experience. DONE THAT!

3) Never have I ever flashed a bartender for a free drink. NEVER

4) Never have I ever called someone the wrong name during sex. NEVER

5) Never have I ever made out with a stranger. NEVER

6) Never have I ever eaten food out of a trash can. NEVER –  but I thought about it when I saw that half eaten pretzel at the ball field!

7) Never have I ever considered moving because of the election. DONE THAT!

8) Never have I ever talked to myself out loud in public. DONE THAT! Do this ALLLL the time. Mostly its me saying “What the fuck?!”

9) Never have I ever farted in public, smelt it, and enjoyed it. DONE THAT!

10) Never have I ever lied about my “number” to avoid judgement. NEVER. My number is 1. Uno. Un. Eins.

11) Never have I ever given or received a lap dance. DONE THAT!

12) Never have I ever slept with my best friend. DONE THAT! Calm down folks… my best friend is my wife!

13) Never have I ever sent a dirty text to the wrong person. DONE THAT!

14) Never have I ever made out while listening to Nickleback. DONE THAT!

15) Never have I ever peed myself in public as an adult. DONE THAT! Shit myself too…

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One thought on “Never Have I Ever

  1. Tami June 13, 2017 / 2:08 am

    You are tooooo funny

    Like

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