The Fool Who Ripped His Pants

Does anyone remember that Spongebob Squarepants number one hit, The Fool Who Ripped His Pants?

No?

Well I feel as if that song was written just for me. In the past year I have ripped the crouch out of 4 pairs of pants! Twice during work!

Let me sing the songs of my people and tell you about my pants ripping woes.

Rip Incident 1
I had just recently started my current job and was asked to run out and get new batteries for a UPS. For my non techy readers, UPS stands for Uninterrupted Power Supply. Kinda like a generator but not as powerful. These things are VERY heavy. At work, we have units that are a couple hundred pounds. I made it to Batteries Plus without an issue and got the unit into the store unscathed. All was well, until I was getting BACK into the car to return to work. As I was getting into my car I heard a bone chilling ripping sound! Sure enough, my pants had blew, laying my undergarments to bare. Thankfully I never go commando. Now what was I to do? Thankfully I work in Columbus where there is not shortage of stores, so I headed to the mall to buy some new pants! This little rip wasn’t just a small little tear that can be covered up. It was a gaping hole in my crouch! I shuffled my way into JC Penny’s trying to conceal myself as best as possible. Cock shot, aisle 10. I finally made it to the men’s department and grabbed a pair of pants. Thankfully now I had something to hide behind! I purchased the pants and kindly asked the lady if I could just wear them out of the store. She stood their puzzled but finally agreed after I explained the gargantuan hole. With new pants and my goodies now covered, I made it back to work. Whew.

Rip Incident 2
The next public display of nudity also happened while at work but this time I wasn’t away from the office. I think it’s important to note that on this particular day I was wearing my favorite pair of navy pants. I was making my way back to my desk after helping someone, plopped down into my desk chair, and BAM. My favorite navy pants betrayed me and ripped. Once again I found myself with a hole in my crouch. I am a voyeurs delight! Thankfully this time I lived much closer to work and was able to run home and change. Also thankfully my office is very close to an exit so I made it out of the building unscathed.

Side note – I am still sad about those pants!

Rip Incident 3 – 4
The last two incidents are less eventful as they both happened either as I got into my car to leave work or as I got into my car going to work. Both episodes ended with my trashing the pants and sulking. Lots of sulking.

What I Have I Learned
Perhaps it is time to buy pants from another store!

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