Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational.
I don’t know everything about relationships, nor do I claim to be an expert, but I like to think that I do have some things figured out – and relationships are one of them. I also don’t sit behind my keyboard thinking I do relationships perfectly. I mess up. We all do. The money is when you can find value in those imperfect moments. The thought process that I am about to introduce can be applied to any type of relationship, but I will focus on one between a married couple.
I also must preface this post by admitting that I didn’t just wake up and have this concept figured out. A very good friend told Sarah and I this once, and it has stuck ever since!
OK… * drum roll * here it is:
Relationships can be 80/20. They can be 70/30. Hell at times they can be 90/10. But what they can’t be is 100/0, nor can they be anything other than 50/50 for very long.
Let me unpack this, ok? There are going to be times when a party in the relationship needs to be weak and not carry their weight. Thus, there are times when the other party is going to have to carry all of the weight! That. Is. Ok. What is NOT ok is when one member of the relationship is forced to ALWAYS carry all of the weight.
Like the moon, relationships will wane and wax, but they must always become whole again for things to work out!
Like I said this concept can be applied to any type of relationship. Take a platonic friendship for example. Let’s imagine that you are the friend that always invites the other person to do things, or always initiates the conversation. You are giving 100%. The other person rarely accepts, and sometimes doesn’t even answer! They are giving 0%. Zilch. Notta. Nothing.
I bet Mr. 100 sure feels pretty shitty. This type of relationship will never work. Eventually Mr. 100 will give up and move on.
I’ll also bet that it didn’t take you long to imagine yourself as Mr. 100. I’ll raise my bet by saying that you could also play the role of Mr. Zero. We all do it.
Now Sarah and I are more than friends so let’s get back to that.
There has been plenty of times when one of us is weak and has to be carried by the other. There are also times when we are both weak and are just barely holding each other up.
Again – That. Is. Ok.
The scales of a relationship can tip in anyone favor periodically, as long as they come back to center eventually.
Now don’t be fooled into thinking that Sarah and I are just the perfect couple and have it all figured out. Hell. No.
But as I said in the beginning – The money is when you can find value in those imperfect moments. Those moments of weakness. Those moments when you have to carry your partner through hell, holding on to the thought that they would do the same for you.