The 50/50 Rule

Nothing is perfect. Life is messy. Relationships are complex. Outcomes are uncertain. People are irrational.

-Hugh Mackay

I don’t know everything about relationships, nor do I claim to be an expert, but I like to think that I do have some things figured out – and relationships are one of them. I also don’t sit behind my keyboard thinking I do relationships perfectly. I mess up. We all do. The money is when you can find value in those imperfect moments. The thought process that I am about to introduce can be applied to any type of relationship, but I will focus on one between a married couple.
I also must preface this post by admitting that I didn’t just wake up and have this concept figured out. A very good friend told Sarah and I this once, and it has stuck ever since!

OK… * drum roll * here it is: 

Relationships can be 80/20. They can be 70/30. Hell at times they can be 90/10. But what they can’t be is 100/0, nor can they be anything other than 50/50 for very long. 

Let me unpack this, ok? There are going to be times when a party in the relationship needs to be weak and not carry their weight. Thus, there are times when the other party is going to have to carry all of the weight! That. Is. Ok. What is NOT ok is when one member of the relationship is forced to ALWAYS carry all of the weight. 

Like the moon, relationships will wane and wax, but they must always become whole again for things to work out!

Like I said this concept can be applied to any type of relationship. Take a platonic friendship for example. Let’s imagine that you are the friend that always invites the other person to do things, or always initiates the conversation. You are giving 100%. The other person rarely accepts, and sometimes doesn’t even answer! They are giving 0%. Zilch. Notta. Nothing. 

I bet Mr. 100 sure feels pretty shitty. This type of relationship will never work. Eventually Mr. 100 will give up and move on. 

I’ll also bet that it didn’t take you long to imagine yourself as Mr. 100. I’ll raise my bet by saying that you could also play the role of Mr. Zero. We all do it. 

Now Sarah and I are more than friends so let’s get back to that. 

There has been plenty of times when one of us is weak and has to be carried by the other. There are also times when we are both weak and are just barely holding each other up. 

Again – That. Is. Ok. 

The scales of a relationship can tip in anyone favor periodically, as long as they come back to center eventually. 

Now don’t be fooled into thinking that Sarah and I are just the perfect couple and have it all figured out. Hell. No. 

But as I said in the beginning – The money is when you can find value in those imperfect moments. Those moments of weakness. Those moments when you have to carry your partner through hell, holding on to the thought that they would do the same for you. 

Never Have I Ever pt. 2


I thought it was time for another round of Never Have I Ever. What have you never done??

Never have I ever Stole something with a higher value than $10: HAVE

Never have I ever Really liked a song by Justin Bieber: HAVE…many times. 

Never have I ever done a handstand with one hand: NEVER! I can even do one with both hands!

Never have I ever Gone to the bathroom and then not wash my hands: HAVE. I know…I’m dirty. 

Never have I ever Swam naked in a pool / beach: HAVE. I’m so scandalous!🤓

Never have I ever Smoked marijuana: NEVER

Never have I ever Escaped from class: HAVE. I am so rebellious! I went to the library when I wasn’t supposed to! 😱

My Top 5 Regrets…so far. 


We all have things we regret. We regret we didn’t say something or we regret not doing that one thing. Some regrets are small, trivial even, while some are life altering. 

I am still young and bound to have more regrets as I age, but here are my Top 5 so far. 

  1. I regret not going to senior prom. Sarah and I were about a year into our relationship at time and due to the age difference she wasn’t allowed to attend. Hindsight I wish I would have gone, just to say I did. This is for sure a trivial regret!
  2. I regret not getting to know Sarah’s dad more. Doug and I had a rocky relationship. Mostly due to the fact that I operate with a “burn me too many times and I’ll drop you like a bad habit” attitude. This is certainly a life changing regret. I’ll never get that time back. My hard heart attitude is something I am working on, but it’s hard! You could say my abnormal super power is the ability to just shut people off if I feel it’s necessary. I know that sounds horrible! But….I’m working on it. 
  3. I regret not going to college directly after high school. Even though this is a regret, this was also something that wasn’t completely in my control!
  4. I regret making excuses and not sticking to the diet and exercise regimen that I put into place 3 years ago. I have gained every single pound I lost (and then some) back. 3 years ago I was the happiest, and lightest, I have EVER been. I still continue to make excuse after excuse. Consiquently I continue to slip deeper and deeper into the dark void of depression. At the current point in my life, this is my largest regret.
  5. I regret taking sooooo damn long to finally stick up for myself! Saying no, putting my foot down, not letting others walk all over me, etc. etc. I was a doormat at times. Part of this had a lot to do with how I gauged my self worth. I used to think I was worth nothing. I of course still have moments of weakness and flash back to this way of thinking, but overall I have done a much better job. 

I need a Pepsi after that one…

So what about you? What are things you regret?

The Fool Who Ripped His Pants

Does anyone remember that Spongebob Squarepants number one hit, The Fool Who Ripped His Pants?

No?

Well I feel as if that song was written just for me. In the past year I have ripped the crouch out of 4 pairs of pants! Twice during work!

Let me sing the songs of my people and tell you about my pants ripping woes.

Rip Incident 1
I had just recently started my current job and was asked to run out and get new batteries for a UPS. For my non techy readers, UPS stands for Uninterrupted Power Supply. Kinda like a generator but not as powerful. These things are VERY heavy. At work, we have units that are a couple hundred pounds. I made it to Batteries Plus without an issue and got the unit into the store unscathed. All was well, until I was getting BACK into the car to return to work. As I was getting into my car I heard a bone chilling ripping sound! Sure enough, my pants had blew, laying my undergarments to bare. Thankfully I never go commando. Now what was I to do? Thankfully I work in Columbus where there is not shortage of stores, so I headed to the mall to buy some new pants! This little rip wasn’t just a small little tear that can be covered up. It was a gaping hole in my crouch! I shuffled my way into JC Penny’s trying to conceal myself as best as possible. Cock shot, aisle 10. I finally made it to the men’s department and grabbed a pair of pants. Thankfully now I had something to hide behind! I purchased the pants and kindly asked the lady if I could just wear them out of the store. She stood their puzzled but finally agreed after I explained the gargantuan hole. With new pants and my goodies now covered, I made it back to work. Whew.

Rip Incident 2
The next public display of nudity also happened while at work but this time I wasn’t away from the office. I think it’s important to note that on this particular day I was wearing my favorite pair of navy pants. I was making my way back to my desk after helping someone, plopped down into my desk chair, and BAM. My favorite navy pants betrayed me and ripped. Once again I found myself with a hole in my crouch. I am a voyeurs delight! Thankfully this time I lived much closer to work and was able to run home and change. Also thankfully my office is very close to an exit so I made it out of the building unscathed.

Side note – I am still sad about those pants!

Rip Incident 3 – 4
The last two incidents are less eventful as they both happened either as I got into my car to leave work or as I got into my car going to work. Both episodes ended with my trashing the pants and sulking. Lots of sulking.

What I Have I Learned
Perhaps it is time to buy pants from another store!

This Too Shall Pass

I’m writing this with a very heavy heart. 

Those that I love and care for dearly are going through the worst of times. 

Siblings and spouses are passing. Relationships are ending.

Hearts are breaking. 

But this too shall pass. 

You feel as if your life is over. 

But this too shall pass. 

One friend said to me “I feel like I have to completely start over with my life.”

Wouldn’t that be nice if you could?

I explained to her that your life isn’t over, you don’t have to go back to the beginning of the game board. You are merely taking a detour. 

I have come to learn that life is a never ending winding road of highways and byways. Detours and dead ends. 

Planning for life is important, sure. But being prepared for the detours is even more important. 

My 5 year plan was derailed 2 years ago and it still continues to change, just as the seasons do.

I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Now, you may not know what that reason is for a while, but be patient!

Eventually the reason will be revealed and your pain and strife will all be worth it. 

There is no growth without change, no change without fear or loss and no loss without pain.

Rick Warren

Keep your chin up for this too shall pass. 

Never Have I Ever

NEVER

1) Never have I ever called in sick to work because I was hungover.  I’ve never been hungover but I have certainly said I was sick when I wasn’t!

2) Never have I ever had a near death experience. DONE THAT!

3) Never have I ever flashed a bartender for a free drink. NEVER

4) Never have I ever called someone the wrong name during sex. NEVER

5) Never have I ever made out with a stranger. NEVER

6) Never have I ever eaten food out of a trash can. NEVER –  but I thought about it when I saw that half eaten pretzel at the ball field!

7) Never have I ever considered moving because of the election. DONE THAT!

8) Never have I ever talked to myself out loud in public. DONE THAT! Do this ALLLL the time. Mostly its me saying “What the fuck?!”

9) Never have I ever farted in public, smelt it, and enjoyed it. DONE THAT!

10) Never have I ever lied about my “number” to avoid judgement. NEVER. My number is 1. Uno. Un. Eins.

11) Never have I ever given or received a lap dance. DONE THAT!

12) Never have I ever slept with my best friend. DONE THAT! Calm down folks… my best friend is my wife!

13) Never have I ever sent a dirty text to the wrong person. DONE THAT!

14) Never have I ever made out while listening to Nickleback. DONE THAT!

15) Never have I ever peed myself in public as an adult. DONE THAT! Shit myself too…

Shit Happens

Since my first creative writing post didn’t go over well I decided to write something funny and also extremely fucking embarrassing.

Why embarrass myself? Well why the hell not! 🙂

Let’s travel back in time to my Freshmen year of high school…..

Picture it…young Nick sitting in Mr. Lawson’s Algebra class, nervous as a virgin on her wedding night. 

Your first day of high school can be pretty scary! What happens when people get scared? Well a lot of things but on this particular day the intestinal gods were out to get me. 

I tried to ignore my gurgling gut as long as I could but finally I just had to go! With my signed agenda (did anyone else experience this in school?! You had to have something signed saying you were allowed to go somewhere…were we in prison?) I hauled ass to the bathroom. Imagine that scene in White Chicks when one of the “girls” ate cheese and pulled a “move bitch” when running into the bathroom. That was me. 

Now this is where this story gets extremely fucking embarrassing….

Have you ever had to go sooooo bad that it’s literally happening AS you pull your pants down? Shit ain’t got no shame. It’s a-coming when it pleases.

I finally make it to the toilet, but not before a rouge traitor makes its exit and lands on the bathroom floor.

Now you would assume that I saw this conspirator conspire against me, right? WRONG! 

I was under the impression that I got ALL of my kids into the pool. WRONG!

I finished my business at the pool and started to make my way out of the stall. 

Now what do you think happened?
Cue rouge turd!

You would think that the stress of my first day of high school would be enough! But nooooo. The universe said “Hold my Diet Coke”. 

As I made my way out of the stall I stepped on that rouge backstabbing piece of shit. Literally. 

Not only did I step on it but I made shitty foot prints all the way to the sink!

Talk about being mortified at the highest degree. Looking back I don’t know how I just didn’t run from the bathroom, out the door and into the corn field. Oh wait, I know. They would have followed my shitty tracks all the way there!

To wrap this embarrassing story up, let’s fast forward to the ending. 

I ran back into the stall and scrubbed the shit off my shoe with toilet paper a cleaned up the track marks (haha) as best as I could. 

Someone please tell me that I’m not the only one with an embarrassing story like this! If you have one, and are willing to share please comment below!

 

A Thousand Words

I failed to preface the first creative writing post with a warning, so here goes!

Not everything is rainbows and comedy with me. Sometimes my Moments are darker.

Starting this blog has been immensely cathartic, and after another rough week I felt drawn to my keyboard to write.

Anxiety and depressions ARE REAL and it is something I deal with EVERYDAY. This poem is free-verse representation of how I feel some days –  especially this week.

Don’t really enjoy the darker (and raw) Moments? That is OK, but do me a favor. Acknowledge someone with anxiety or depression and let them know it is OK, and that you are there for them.


michal-grosicki-221225.jpgA THOUSAND WORDS
I smile for all to see.
That’s who I’m supposed to be.

I smile for all to see.
But that’s not really me.

Inside rages a storm. A storm that will not cease.
Inside I battle the knights, of doubt and disbelief.

My fear takes hold. What will I do?
My fear takes hold. I can’t breakthrough.

How can I be who I’m supposed to be?

They say a smile is worth a thousands words.
But the words that others see are not me.

A thousand words read, but still they know nothing.

Blinded by that belief that all is well.

But inside a wave begins to swell.
A wave of anxiety that takes hold of me.

How can I be who I’m supposed to be?

Caught in the riptide of myself, struggling for the surface.

I smile for all to see.
That’s who I’m supposed to be.

National Donut Day


Today is National Donut Day! Donut Lovers Unite!

Donuts are one of my favorite bad-for-you things to eat! Luckily I live in a wonderful city that has a ton of great Donut options! A favorite of mine is Schneider’s Bakery in Westerville. A shout out to Nancy Bryant for telling me about them!


I celebrated National Donut Day like any sane person would…I ate some donuts! 

Thursday at the office Nancy and I devised a plan to celebrate such a wonderful day. I would pick up 4 dozen donuts the next morning and bring them to work. We had plans to share of course…or did we?

I pull up to the bakery and there is a line out the door! Apparently others got the memo.

As I’m waiting in line I see a giant sign that reads:

Advance notice on orders is welcome and appreciated!

Oops. 

Do you ever read a sign and think that it was put up just for you to read it?

The line moves quickly and I make my way into the bakery. Other customer around me are being modest and saying “I’ll have 1 Donut, I’ll have a dozen please, or Just two for me today” 

Finally it’s my turn. 

I step up to the counter and whisper “I need 4 dozen please. ”

“I’m sorry, what?” the older lady behind the counter gets on the tip of her toes to get closer to me. 

“I need 4 dozen” I say…this time a bit louder. 

“4 dozen!” She exclaims. 

I swear everyone in the room, customers and workers alike collectively did this:


Ashamed, I explained that I tried to call ahead but they close so early that I wasn’t able to! 

The sweet lady turns into Wreck it Ralph and says, “You can have four…but you are getting what I give you” and then begins to throw precious donuts into a box.

She was not very happy with me. Nor was the line of customers behind me. But I NEEDED 4 dozoen donuts. I needed them like a fish needs water. Like Kim K needs plastic surgery. 

I digress. 

I left with my 4 dozen and headed to the office to spread cheer amongst the people. 

A special thanks to Nancy and Brent for buying the donuts. They were soooooo good!