July 4, 1776 was the birth of the United States as an independent nation.
Celebrate as you wish but I am choosing to showcase some awesome photographs of things that remind me of the USA.
I take no credit for these photographs. All images shown were collected from Unsplash (https://unsplash.com/). Do yourself a favor and check them out!
I try REALLY hard not to judge people. I know what it is like to be judged – it sucks. BUT…sometimes people just do some dumb ass shit and I can’t help it! I know you can relate! Regardless of how good of a person you are, I know you still judge. Gosh…look at me! Judging you about saying you don’t judge!
This past weekend Sarah and I went to our wonderful Zoo here in Columbus, Ohio. If you are reading this and have never been – GO! After you finish reading this post – Go! Not before finishing….I like the ratings…but right after! Go for the simple reason that you get to see baby Polar Bears!
Like most crowded public places I was served a bunch of fucktardary to try really hard not to judge. We already talked about me and trying not to…
Here are two of the favorite ass-hattery moments from the Zoo:
- This event I am simply calling Africa. While my mind did go to the song titled Africa by Toto (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTQbiNvZqaY), it is named Africa because this WTF moment happened in the ‘Africa’ part of the zoo. A couple and their two adorable kids sat at the bench next to us to have a snack. I believe it was fries. Dare I say ‘African Fries’? Anyway…as they were sitting there enjoying their snack the two kids proceeded to climb out of the stroller and roam around. At first I thought, “Meh…no harm here. They kids are bored and want to burn some energy.” By the end of this encounter I was thinking, “OMFG?! Who approved you to be parents (Oh wait…they don’t do that – damnit!)?! Your children are acting as though they are the kids from The Wild Thornberrys – literally running away from you in Africa and you don’t even notice! Your daughter is literally walking towards a crowd of people and anyone could snatch her up! Would you even care if they did? Now where is your son…OH THERE HE IS! Pounding his tiny french fries grease laden hands on the Lion exhibit!” Finally this couple wrangles their children back into the stroller and I am left praying to the lordt that next time the guy pulls out….
- Next, is the event that actually made me think about writing this. Oddly enough it happened as we were leaving the Zoo! I am calling this one, If a Doubt, Don’t Whip It Out. As we were leaving we noticed a family off to the side that appeared to be fresh from Zoombezi Bay. I noticed two things right away. First were the parents. They were arguing about something all the while looking around as if they lost something. Second, was the little boy who was also looking around AND giving the universal sign for “I’VE GOTTA PEE!”. Imagine Forest Gump when he told the president he had to pee. I wonder if this boy also had about 15 Dr. Peppers? Making my way out of zoo I watched the scene unfold. I put the pieces together and imagine the interaction went something like this –
Mom: [To husband] Oh Jimmy! Little Tommy has got to pee! Quick find the bathroom!
Dad: [To wife] I know Gina, I’m trying damnit! [Looks around]. There! Tommy go pee behind that wooden smashed penny machine!
Mom: [To husband] Oh Jimmy! You are a lifesaver! Why didn’t I think of that?!
Tommy: [To parents] No papa! Don’t make me do it!
Dad: Damnit Tommy! Surely this public establishment doesn’t have restrooms inches away from us so this is your only option! Now go on! That wood should soak up your pee just fine!
I’ll give you a minute to digest that.
My final glimpse of this act of foolery was little Tommy pulling his swim trunks down to his ankles, whipping it out, and peeing all down the back of the smashed penny machine. I bet Jimmy was proud.
The moral of this story is this – If you are unsure of where to take your kid to go to the bathroom….behind the smashed penny machine is never the right choice.
That’s all for now folks and remember – you can fix ignorance…but stupid is forever.