My Top 5 Regrets…so far.¬†


We all have things we regret. We regret we didn’t say something or we regret not doing that one thing. Some regrets are small, trivial even, while some are life altering. 

I am still young and bound to have more regrets as I age, but here are my Top 5 so far. 

  1. I regret not going to senior prom. Sarah and I were about a year into our relationship at time and due to the age difference she wasn’t allowed to attend. Hindsight I wish I would have gone, just to say I did. This is for sure a trivial regret!
  2. I regret not getting to know Sarah’s dad more. Doug and I had a rocky relationship. Mostly due to the fact that I operate with a “burn me too many times and I’ll drop you like a bad habit” attitude. This is certainly a life changing regret. I’ll never get that time back. My hard heart attitude is something I am working on, but it’s hard! You could say my abnormal super power is the ability to just shut people off if I feel it’s necessary. I know that sounds horrible! But….I’m working on it. 
  3. I regret not going to college directly after high school. Even though this is a regret, this was also something that wasn’t completely in my control!
  4. I regret making excuses and not sticking to the diet and exercise regimen that I put into place 3 years ago. I have gained every single pound I lost (and then some) back. 3 years ago I was the happiest, and lightest, I have EVER been. I still continue to make excuse after excuse. Consiquently I continue to slip deeper and deeper into the dark void of depression. At the current point in my life, this is my largest regret.
  5. I regret taking sooooo damn long to finally stick up for myself! Saying no, putting my foot down, not letting others walk all over me, etc. etc. I was a doormat at times. Part of this had a lot to do with how I gauged my self worth. I used to think I was worth nothing. I of course still have moments of weakness and flash back to this way of thinking, but overall I have done a much better job. 

I need a Pepsi after that one…

So what about you? What are things you regret?

Advertisements

A Thousand Words

I failed to preface the first creative writing post with a warning, so here goes!

Not everything is rainbows and comedy with me. Sometimes my Moments are darker.

Starting this blog has been immensely cathartic, and after another rough week I felt drawn to my keyboard to write.

Anxiety and depressions ARE REAL and it is something I deal with EVERYDAY. This poem is free-verse representation of how I feel some days Р especially this week.

Don’t really enjoy the darker (and raw) Moments? That is OK, but do me a favor. Acknowledge someone with anxiety or depression and let them know it is OK, and that you are there for them.


michal-grosicki-221225.jpgA THOUSAND WORDS
I smile for all to see.
That’s who I’m supposed to be.

I smile for all to see.
But that’s not really me.

Inside rages a storm. A storm that will not cease.
Inside I battle the knights, of doubt and disbelief.

My fear takes hold. What will I do?
My fear takes hold. I can’t breakthrough.

How can I be who I’m supposed to be?

They say a smile is worth a thousands words.
But the words that others see are not me.

A thousand words read, but still they know nothing.

Blinded by that belief that all is well.

But inside a wave begins to swell.
A wave of anxiety that takes hold of me.

How can I be who I’m supposed to be?

Caught in the riptide of myself, struggling for the surface.

I smile for all to see.
That’s who I’m supposed to be.