Shit Happens

Since my first creative writing post didn’t go over well I decided to write something funny and also extremely fucking embarrassing.

Why embarrass myself? Well why the hell not! 🙂

Let’s travel back in time to my Freshmen year of high school…..

Picture it…young Nick sitting in Mr. Lawson’s Algebra class, nervous as a virgin on her wedding night. 

Your first day of high school can be pretty scary! What happens when people get scared? Well a lot of things but on this particular day the intestinal gods were out to get me. 

I tried to ignore my gurgling gut as long as I could but finally I just had to go! With my signed agenda (did anyone else experience this in school?! You had to have something signed saying you were allowed to go somewhere…were we in prison?) I hauled ass to the bathroom. Imagine that scene in White Chicks when one of the “girls” ate cheese and pulled a “move bitch” when running into the bathroom. That was me. 

Now this is where this story gets extremely fucking embarrassing….

Have you ever had to go sooooo bad that it’s literally happening AS you pull your pants down? Shit ain’t got no shame. It’s a-coming when it pleases.

I finally make it to the toilet, but not before a rouge traitor makes its exit and lands on the bathroom floor.

Now you would assume that I saw this conspirator conspire against me, right? WRONG! 

I was under the impression that I got ALL of my kids into the pool. WRONG!

I finished my business at the pool and started to make my way out of the stall. 

Now what do you think happened?
Cue rouge turd!

You would think that the stress of my first day of high school would be enough! But nooooo. The universe said “Hold my Diet Coke”. 

As I made my way out of the stall I stepped on that rouge backstabbing piece of shit. Literally. 

Not only did I step on it but I made shitty foot prints all the way to the sink!

Talk about being mortified at the highest degree. Looking back I don’t know how I just didn’t run from the bathroom, out the door and into the corn field. Oh wait, I know. They would have followed my shitty tracks all the way there!

To wrap this embarrassing story up, let’s fast forward to the ending. 

I ran back into the stall and scrubbed the shit off my shoe with toilet paper a cleaned up the track marks (haha) as best as I could. 

Someone please tell me that I’m not the only one with an embarrassing story like this! If you have one, and are willing to share please comment below!